


Discovery

by jaqueass



Series: Amber [1]
Category: Mary Poppins (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, all of that is very light but just in case
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2020-10-28 23:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20786588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaqueass/pseuds/jaqueass
Summary: Jack is an optimistic lamplighter in the small London area that is Cherry Tree Lane. Everything seems to be going well for him: he’s getting married to his longtime girlfriend, Jane, getting control of his mental health, and gaining relationships he never knew he could. However, when Mary comes back to Cherry Tree Lane she comes bearing life-changing information.





	1. Prologue

An overwhelming sense of panic kept flowing through her as she ran, the baby crying in her arms only increasing its hold upon her. But she had to keep running, in fear that the ones chasing her were not yet lost.

The place she had to go was close, she could feel it. It was so close that if she was to scream the residents would hear her. She kept running on though, she couldn't risk anything happening to the child in her arms. Everything hurt but she kept on running.

Eventually, the child was far too loud and panicked for her to keep going. Stopping for a moment, she checked her surroundings. All seemed calm, so she took the opportunity to hide behind a large tree and try to calm him down. She sat down, cradling him in her arms as she hummed a soft melody. It would most likely be the last time she would be able to. She'd make sure his new caretakers would sing it to him.

Slowly but surely, the baby fell quiet, smiling at his mother with joyful content. Soon after he fell asleep.


	2. Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple had been dating for almost exactly a year. For Jack, now seemed like the perfect time to ask a question he never thought he would ask.

Jack woke up in a panic, jolting up from bed, the dream he just had still fresh in his mind. For a split second, everything around him had a pink tint to it. It faded as soon as it appeared, leaving him to think it was just his tired mind. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, blinked a couple of times, and took a look outside. The sky was an elegant gradient of deep indigos and yellows and bright reds. He couldn't help but smile at the sight. After a minute of gazing at the beautiful London sky, he decided it was time to prepare himself for the day ahead.

He put on a more elegant outfit than the usual work clothes he would put on at this hour. Specifically, it was an outfit similar to the one he wore exactly a year ago, when he and Jane reunited by bumping into each other in the middle of the sidewalk. It was fitting for both of them to meet like that, with how clumsy he could be. Still, he wouldn't take it back for the world, especially after today. After reassuring himself that another leerie had taken his route and making sure his outfit was as neat as it could be he grabbed a small black box, put it in his pocket, and headed out of his small flat, eager to hop on his bike and ride to Jane's.

Once he got there, he saw her leaning against a street lamp by the front of her flat. Even after a year of dating he still felt butterflies in his stomach when he saw her smile. He nearly felt weightless at the sight of her. When he got off his bike, she immediately ran up to hug him, causing the two to lose their balance and fall to the ground. They just laughed it off as they got up. After they calmed down a bit, Jane gave Jack a peck on the cheek. "Don't I know this outfit from somewhere?" she jokingly asked.

"You should," he replied. He wiped off any possible dirt that was on his clothes. "So, are you prepared for today?"

"That depends." Jane got on the back of the bike after him. "What do you have planned?"

He looked back at her, an almost smug look on his face. "If I tell you, it'd ruin the surprise."

"Well, let's go then. I want to find out!" she eagerly led on.

Jack kicked up the kickstand and Jane held onto his waist as they rode off towards the park.

~~~~

The sun was nearly gone by the time they were done with the more exciting events of the day. They now sat on a bench in a calmer area of the park, away from the fair festivities they had taken part in earlier in the day. Jane's head rested on Jack's shoulder, the two looking up at the sky beyond the trees. Jack fidgeted with the edge of his jacket, wondering if now would be the right time. He figured it was, considering the atmosphere and the time and their overall moods. He felt it was best to do it on their anniversary anyway. He deeply sighed and reluctantly nudged Jane off his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing's wrong, sweetheart," he assured, smiling through his anxiety. "I just have one more thing to show you." He stood up from the bench, Jane following his lead.

"No, you can stay there. Though, standing would help."

"I'm guessing I have to close my eyes next?" Jane assumed.

"Um, yes, actually." He was surprised at her accurate guesswork, though in hindsight it was quite obvious. Still, he calmed himself down; he had more to be worried about.

"Right, they're closed," she announced.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm very sure."

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"For all I know it could be 17 and I wouldn't see it."

"Alright, I trust you," Jack said, satisfied with what she claimed. He took the box out of his pocket and went down on his knee.

"You can open them now."

~~~~

As soon as Jane opened her eyes, she saw her beloved boyfriend on his knee holding open a small box that held a beautifully displayed silver ring. She gasped, putting her hands over her mouth in shock as she felt tears welling up in her eyes.

”Jane Banks,” Jack began, a hint of nervousness in his voice. ”Over the year that I have been dating you I've gained a connection to you that I've never experienced with anyone else in my life. You've brought me unending joy and kept me out of the darkest places in my mind. I've known of my love for you since I was ten and inexplicably sitting by your window talking to you every night, but I could never put words to how much until now. I'd do anything to just spend forever by your side and lay with you every night and kiss you every second I can and go to your rallies and just sit together gazing at the sky in silence because our company is all we need to love each other. I want to be with you until the day we die and I want that to be a guarantee so I ask you now, Jane,” he took a minute to catch his breath. ”Will you marry me?”

Jane couldn't find her words. Tears of joy and surprise rolled down her cheeks. She hugged him with every bit of strength she had. ”Oh my goodness, yes! A million times yes!”

”Oh, thank god! I was so worried you’d say no!” Jack hugged back with the same amount of force, if not more. She wasn't sure if he could feel it, but she noticed that both of them lightly hovered above the ground. She didn't mind, this was normal for the two at this point. She just accepted it as a quirk he had because of the kind of place they existed in. They slowly lowered as Jack was about to release her from his embrace. He was crying as well, smiling ear to ear as he looked at her. He took the ring and slid it on her finger. The two shared a passionate kiss before Jane rambled on about how much she loved the ring and him and the day they had. Minutes turned to hours of loving conversation and passionate hugging and kissing and almost childish playing until they realized they had to part ways.

”I wish I could spend all night with you, Jack.”

”We can tomorrow, I promise. We can have a whole day to ourselves again.”

”I can't wait to tell Michael!”

”We can tell him together, love. How does that sound.”

”Just wonderful.”

~~~~

Jack gave Jane one last kiss before she headed into her flat. He couldn't stand the thought of parting ways now, but she needed to sleep and she was unprepared to spend the night with him. Reluctantly, he hopped back on his bike and started to pedal home, thankful for his fellow leeries and the fact that they were all prepared for today.

As he rode, he saw clouds start to roll in. He paid no mind to it; the sky was awfully clear today for London. What set him off was an all too familiar feeling. A feeling that only meant something needed to be fixed that couldn't be by normal circumstances. A feeling that meant something, no, _someone_ was coming.

A strong wind coming in from the east.


	3. Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The newly engaged Jack and Jane go to tell Michael and his family about the night before.

As Jane walked to her brother's house, she couldn't stop admiring the ring on her finger. She didn't care that there was no diamond on it or that it wasn't the most expensive one on the market; it was a symbol that the man she loved was about to be hers forever. For a moment she looked up and saw him putting out a street lamp by Michael's house, whistling a tune she seemed to always see him vocalizing in some form or another.

"Hi, Jack," she called. She saw him lose his balance in shock and hit the ground in the blink of an eye. However, the sight was an odd one. He didn't seem to fall, just land on the ground at the same moment he fell off the ladder. She didn't dwell on this for more than a few seconds. She immediately ran over to him as he sat up.

"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. Are you alright? Did it hurt?" She was frantic trying to look for any wounds on him.

"Jane, I'm fine. This happens all the time. A little fall isn't going to hurt me too much." He chuckled a bit as he got up. "Thank you for the concern, though." Just to assure her that he was alright he gave her a peck on the cheek, making both of them blush.

"So, I'm guessing you're here to tell Michael the news?" he assumed.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I want to brag about having the best fiance in the world?"

~~~~

Michael was still making the kids breakfast and himself some coffee when he heard a knock on the door. The pattern was unmistakably Jane's.

"I'll get it for you, father," Annabel offered, already out of her seat.

"Thank you, dear," he called back to her.

Not long after Michael served her brothers, Annabel walked in with Jane and Jack following behind.

"Good morning Michael," Jane greeted. Jack nervously nodded his head to signal the same greeting.

"Now what brings you two here so early?" Michael asked, leading the group to the living room so the conversation could be more between the adults.

"Well, we have some big news, right Jack?" Jane had a gigantic smile and a new kind of light in her eyes. He loved seeing his sister like this, filled with this unfiltered happiness.

"Yeah," Jack responded. Michael thought he was the only one who could see how nervous Jack was. He didn't want to point it out though.

"Well, what is it?" he asked.

Jane held out her hand and showed off a frankly plain but still beautiful silver ring. "Jack proposed last night! Isn't that wonderful?" She sounded like a giddy child.

"Oh my God. Congratulations you two!" Michael brought his sister into a warm embrace. He noticed Jack become less tense. He went to hug him as well. ”Welcome to the family.”

~~~~

From the kitchen, all three children could hear the adults and their talk of marriage and wedding plans.

”So, Jack’s gonna be our uncle now?” Georgie asked, excited.

”I sure hope so! I'm sure he's going to be a great one.” Annabel was definitely the most excited about this news. She already saw Jack as a parental figure so having him in the family was definitely good news.

”You don't know that. What if he isn't?” John questioned, trying to sound indifferent but still seeming displeased.

”John we know you don't much care for him, but give him a chance.” Annabel could never understand John’s distaste for their soon-to-be uncle. He had never done anything to harm even a fly so it made little sense.

”There’s just something off about him, like he's hiding something. Sometimes I don't know if I can trust a word he says.”

”Alright, now that's just ridiculous.” Annabel countered. Georgie was too focused on his cereal to care about the argument taking place between his siblings.

”No, it's being careful. I'll try to be nice around him because Aunt Jane's happy, but I don't think I can trust him too much.”

”I know you can't change your mind, but I want you to try to get a better relationship with him, okay?”

John sighed heavily. ”Fine, I'll try.”

As if on cue, Michael, Jane, and Jack walked back into the kitchen.

”We have something to tell you three,” Michael announced, happier than they'd seen him in a while.

”We heard it all,” John said, clearly forcing a slight smile. The adults didn't seem to notice.

Annabel ran to Jack and hugged him tightly. ”I'm so excited to have you as an uncle!”

He smiled at the sentiment. ”And I'm happy to be one!”

After the exchange, she turned back to John and desperately hoped her new uncle wouldn't notice his distaste.


	4. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news comes, and it’s nothing either of the two lovers could want.

She didn't know if now was the right time to tell him. She'd been watching him for a while now and he seemed so happy. He would be devastated by her news. However, it was more important for him to know now than later. Besides, there must have been a reason she was sent down after his engagement rather than before.

She decided to tell him now. She'd contemplated it all for long enough. She knew how to word it, and she was sure he would take it alright, as she did.

But then again, they would be told under completely different circumstances.

~~~~

The couple was spending another day in the park, not saying a word and enjoying the company of one another in the calm and quiet atmosphere. Jack could barely believe any of this was happening, but he was glad it was.

"Jane?" he asked to grab her attention.

"Yes, dear?" she replied.

"I love you so much." There was no reason to, but he felt he was going to tear up just looking at her beautiful rosy cheeks lift up at her smile.

"I love you too, Jack."

Suddenly a familiar clacking of heels came to them, a very dull entrance for the source of the noise.

"Mary Poppins!" Jane exclaimed. Jack felt a hint of something off in his head, but he was more focused on the sight of his old friend. She looked as elegant as ever, not an inch of her out of place.

"It's good to see you again, Mary," he greeted. The two shared a welcoming embrace, where he felt Mary get a bit tense.

"A pleasure to see you as well. Both of you," she returned.

"What brought you back so soon?" Jane asked.

"I just need to talk with Jack for a moment or two."

This was a shock to him. Usually, Mary came for the Banks family, often when there was a problem that couldn't be solved without her. He guessed because of the engagement he was part of the family now, but, as far as he was concerned, there was nothing to be fixed. Still, he went with it, hoping it was just for advice.

She requested Jane stay where she was, wanting the conversation to be private. Jack wanted to tell her that his fiancée should be able to hear what she was about to say, but kept quiet, knowing there was no arguing with a woman like her.

They walked for a bit along the park path, the two having casual small talk until Mary stopped, taking a look back in Jane's direction, then to Jack, a hint of hesitation in her eyes.

"Now that we're alone, we can finally talk about this," Mary began, concerning Jack with how vague she was.

"Jack, you and I are more similar than you would believe."

"Impossible," Jack insisted, trying to sound as normal as possible and praying it worked. "No one could even dream of being like you."

"Why thank you, Jack. However, it's more possible than you believe it to be."

There was a moment of silence, in which Jack begged for her to continue, his panic rising with every second it went on. He wanted to scream for her to get on with it, but he knew that was unlike him and kept quiet.

Mary sighed, looking him dead in the eye. Without any other way to word it, she spoke the words the two would regret for the rest of their lives.

"You're immortal."

~~~~

At least in her mind, the phrase Jane heard from behind a tree near the two were ones that brought many men joy. The ability to live forever, to experience what could be historical moments in the future, to endure any injury or illness, to be able to do everything you could ever dream without limits, it would be a dream come true to anyone else.

But her Jack was different. He loved life and always wanted to live it to it's fullest, but he was never unaware of the inevitability of death. He never welcomed it, but he wasn't panicked either. He knew the consequences of living forever.

There was a pause in the conversation.

"Immortal?" Jack repeated. Jane could hear how his breath caught in his throat.

Mary tried to explain, but went silent quickly. Jack must have stopped her.

He was speaking quietly and Jane could barely understand what he was saying. All she knew was that his tone was harsh, unlike anything she'd ever heard from him. As his volume began to raise Mary interrupted, reassuring him in hopes to calm him down.

"No!" he shouted. He had never shouted like that before.

He ranted about how horrible the turn of events was, how Mary should have told him sooner, but more than anything he was talking about her; what this could do to their relationship, and how devastated he would be when she died.

"What would I do without her?" His voice cracked as the anger disappeared and she could tell he was now on the verge of tears. "She's my whole life, I couldn't be without her. Ever. It would be impossible."

It was a surprise for sure, him talking about her like this when he knew she couldn't hear. But it was a welcome one. It just showed how much he cared about her, and that's why she loved him.

"And what will she say when I tell her-"

"You don't," Mary interrupted. "No one can know about this, not even her. There's a reason I didn't tell you until now."

"And are you going to tell me what that is, or will I have to wait another thirty years?" The rage returned at full force. "And is there more I should know about?"

"All of it will be explained in time, I promise."

"I think I've waited long enough, Mary!"

There was no response. Jane took this opportunity to quietly sneak back to the bench.

~~~~

Without another word, she left. No more explanation, no goodbye, no apology. She just got up and walked away. And as much as he wanted to, Jack refused the urge to yell after her. He knew it'd be filled with nothing but rage, and the best parts of him assumed that she needed an emotional break. His reprimands must have been too harsh, and it wasn't her fault he was immortal; she had just been informing him. And there had to be a good reason she didn't tell him sooner.

He immediately felt horrible. His mind was a mix of anger, grief, confusion, curiosity, and a multitude of others that he couldn't name.

He walked back to where he was before, looking up and seeing Jane sitting quietly on the bench. His emotions must have been written all over his face because she just gave him a knowing look and a welcoming gesture. He held her tight, never wanting to lose her. Tears ran down his face in waves. He felt Jane’s hand through his hair; he leaned into it. He was already comforted by her presence in this moment.

“Jane?” he forced out, his voice barely there.

“Yes, Jack?” Jane’s voice was much more soothing than Mary’s could ever be.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” It was childish of him to ask, but he needed the comfort. He couldn’t be alone today, not after that.

She smiled at him, warmth and love in every inch of her face. “Of course,” she replied. “I’ll help you pack whatever you need.”

Both of them mutually agreed to stay for a while where they were, allowing them to take in what would be the biggest change in their lives.


	5. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane welcomes Jack into her flat to help him recover from the shock of the news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of very few chapters in this fic that have mentions of self-h*rm. It's pretty important to the story, but if you do want to skip it you can still understand just fine. The mention is worst in the third segment and super light in the fourth, so that's where to skip if you're easily triggered by that.

Jane was helping him pack whatever he needed. She would have done so even if Jack hadn't requested, but it was almost comforting to know that he wanted it. She was packing the clothes while he was gathering whatever else he felt was needed.

Odd occurrences would happen, though. Occasionally some items would appear in the bag, or clothes would disappear as she was reaching for them and she would soon find them in the spot she was going to put them in. It helped her finish much faster so she couldn't complain, but it was something she would have to talk to Jack about eventually.

He walked into the bedroom moments later, having calmed down significantly but still having an uncharacteristically sorrowful manner about him.

"Are you ready?" Jane asked, her voice gentle and loving in hopes of comforting him.

He gave her a small smile. "I suppose so."

"How long do you think you will stay?" Jane talked with him about his stay on the way to his flat. They both agreed that it would be best if he stayed a little longer than one night.

Contemplation flashed across his face. "I don't know. As long as I need to, if that's not too much trouble."

"I'll be honest, I wish you would stay forever," she admitted.

Jack looked a bit uncomfortable and Jane realised why. Forever was most likely a sensitive word to him now, considering for him such a thing was more than a figure of speech. He didn't know how much she understood him, but now wasn't the time to tell him.

"So do I, love," he immediately replied to cover his reaction. "Maybe I could move in once we're married."

"Why should you wait if we both want you to."

Jack's smile returned to one Jane was much more familiar with, filled with that joy and loving energy. "Perhaps I shouldn't, then."

They shared a tender kiss before heading out of Jack's flat to head over to Jane's.

~~~~

Stepping into the flat, Jack felt something different. He'd been here before, he knew the feel of the place, there was no reason he should have felt any different than before. He supposed it was the same reason he felt a tad different about Jane now, a feeling he had only been able to loosely call guilt but truly did not have a name he could decipher. He chose not to focus on it for now; he could barely think and didn't need any more confusion messing with that.

"I've been renovating the guest room so it's quite a mess, I'll understand if you don't want to stay in there," Jane informed. "You're welcome to set yourself up anywhere you wish."

"Thank you, love," Jack responded. "I truly hope this isn't too much trouble for you."

Jane gave him a look of slight concern. "Jack, you said it yourself once that I know more about you than anyone else. You don't do well alone when you're distressed like this. It is of no burden to me to help the man that will soon be my husband. Don't you ever think that."

He felt near the verge of tears. A soft smile crept up on his face and almost instinctually hugged her tight, and she returned it in full. He couldn't believe he ended up with someone so wonderful and kind, and that he had to keep such a horrible secret from her. He wanted to say so much at that moment, but a choked up "Thank you" was all he could muster.

"Oh darling, it's alright. I promise, no problem at all."

The two stayed like that for a while until Jack was more composed. Then they began to set up where Jack would sleep. He requested the couch; despite being Jane's fiancé, he still felt a bit uncomfortable sharing her bed.

~~~~

He could barely stand. His sight was blurred and distorted by tears. His brain was practically empty, and all emotion was gone from him. A single thought, a single action, was the only thing that filled his mind. It drove him to take off his jacket, his vest, his top. It drove him to write a letter, perhaps an apology, though he knew no one who would read it. It drove him into the kitchen, to a single drawer.

It drove him to pull out a knife.

He felt a pain in his chest.

The world went black.

~~~~

Jack nearly fell from the couch. He stayed silent for quite a while, checking to see if Jane had awoken due to it. Fortunately, it didn't seem like she did. He unbuttoned his top a tad bit and allowed his finger to trace a reasonably sized scar that ran along the centre of his abdomen.

_ I suppose now there's a reason why I survived that._

It was an incident he thought was a dream, or at least not as bad as he remembered. Now he knew that wasn't the case. Still, he was too tired to think about it much, so he decided it would be best to try and sleep again as best he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's been a while. I had a surgery (which was delayed significantly due to covid) that I'm currently going to physical therapy to recover from, a loss of motivation, other projects to work on, and school so that took up quite a bit of time and mental energy. Sorry it took so long to update, I'll try to write sooner, but I can't promise anything rn. Hope you understand.


End file.
